hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
