So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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