You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
