I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
