I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I still have a little drunk in my system
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
