The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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