When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm both gender and math confused
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
