I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
