wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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