Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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