On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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