Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
