just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
