he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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