so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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