I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
