ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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