Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just cut my nipple shaving
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sobbing to NWA
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
