I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
