I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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