I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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