my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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