Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
