i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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