Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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