I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
