my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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