I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
