I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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