i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
