I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
