Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
