There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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