and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
