i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
