He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
