I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
