My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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