i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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