well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
