hotel room ftw
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
