I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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