I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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