Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
