I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone came in the potted fern
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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