Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
