I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
