A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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