there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
