IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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