Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
