you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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