Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
