If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
