Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
