I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
