Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
